Comments on: Crazymaker

By: Lynda Otvos

Lynda Otvos — Sat, 02 Jan 2010 04:09:59 +0000

Alisha, I didn’t communicate with my parents for nearly 20 years. My mom is a crazy-maker and succeeded in separating us four kids from one another with her lies and manipulative b.s. It has only been the last year plus since my younger sister died at 49 that I have even been able to call them without getting quite upset at the idea and then not calling.

My guess would be that your husband needs to input into the situation-it’s his mom, yes? What does he feel about her treating you so shabbily? Does she do the same to him or is she saving all her “kisses, just for you”?

My husband helped me break away from the thoughts that imprison you now: they’re family; we are obliged; respect your mom/dad/elders; ‘i could never do that’….

I did and am safe, alive, clean, sober, loved, respected, competent, well-adjusted, self-actualized, and real in my dealings with others, whether family friends, vendors, service people, medical folks… all of them, Sunshine.

You can too. Melody Beatty’s codependent books served me well then and do now too when I get caught up in the crazies (as i think we all can sometimes). You are becoming clearer in your blog–your thoughts are clear and concise; that’s good.

Hang in there; how are the kids? Was it a good holiday break for you? Can the baby roll over yet?

By: meorthethoughtofme

meorthethoughtofme — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 15:40:05 +0000

Haha! You know, alcohol would definitey make this relationship a lot better. Because then I woud have enough liquid courage to actually say what’s on my mind and not sensor so much.

I will have to check out that book.

By: Trim the fat (or Crazymaker Part Deux) « On a silent sea

Trim the fat (or Crazymaker Part Deux) « On a silent sea — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 15:35:58 +0000

[...] mother-in-law is. . . . Well, she is a Crazymaker. She most definitely suffers from one (or more) personality disorders–as do I, but at least I [...]

By: Max

Max — Sun, 20 Dec 2009 21:21:57 +0000

Speaking from experience, you’ll know when it’s time to let go. And you’ll probably regret it. And you may be better for it. The other option (I never took it) is to become THEIR Crazymaker. Immature? Yep. Tacky? Youbetcha.

Fun and liberating and good for the soul?

Hell yes.

Give yourself the best holiday gift you can this year. Be what Simon Doonan calls a “Wacky Chick” (check it out on Amazon) and drive the bastards batty.

Note: for thicker crust, add cheap wine in a box.

By: meorthethoughtofme

meorthethoughtofme — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 21:07:10 +0000

I think this is what I need to…but feel as though I will be the “bad” one if I do so. Even though I know what her problems are (that they’re mostly psychological and that she’s unaware of them) it still doesn’t make dealing with her any more pleasant, if that makes any sense. Just when I feel like I can forgive and forget, she manages to dosomething else that ticks me off. But I hate that I feel this way.

By: meorthethoughtofme

meorthethoughtofme — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 21:00:08 +0000

Thanks Aidan. I think the difficult part of the situation is that I care too much about others’ feelings and opinions. Sometimes that’s a good thing. In this particular situation, it’s bad because it means subjecting myself to unnecessary stress. My mind and my soul that craves loving and authentic relationships tell me to cut ties, but I still get a sinking feeling in my stomach when I think about it. Because, after all, she is family.

By: Aidan Donnelley Rowley @ Ivy League Insecurities

Aidan Donnelley Rowley @ Ivy League Insecurities — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 14:27:14 +0000

Cryptic? Check. Intriguing? Check. I have no sage words to offer, but this tough topic interests me immensely. I have a handful of friends who have cut family members from their lives, but I don’t think I have the whole story. (Do we ever?) I cannot imagine burning a familial bridge, but then again I have never had true occasion or reason to do so. I trust that you have good instincts on this though…

By: eastkentuckygal

eastkentuckygal — Fri, 18 Dec 2009 02:16:33 +0000

I have done it actually. I cut out a couple of very very close family member for 3 years. I’m thankful we were able to make things good again, but I am also thankful for that time to just be separate of it all. I held a lot of strong feelings with those people and I was unable to forgive them without disconnecting from them for awhile. It also helped me to better see the reasons behind their actions and come to an understanding of the “whys” and it led to me being able to forgive.